obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
