I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
