Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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