So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
