I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
