i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
