yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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