I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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