i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
