I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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