Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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