once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
