is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
