i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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