make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
