New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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