last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
