Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
