well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
