He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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