I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
