I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
