Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My ass is underappreciated
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
