is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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