so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
