I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
