So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
