My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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