Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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