So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
