I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
