I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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