There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
