life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
