forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
