If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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