He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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