You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I see more hoeing in ur future
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