You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
