She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
