Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
