There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
