my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
