guys are only as good as the porn they watch
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
