She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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