i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the raccoons are back...
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