we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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