He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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