You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
