i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
