his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
