I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
