"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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