Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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