I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
