my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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