I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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