At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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