She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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